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ENFJ Relationships

How ENFJ types approach relationships

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ENFJs have charisma and charm and read others well, so they can usually attract those that pique their interest. Short-term flings are of little interest to the ENFJ. As they are a personality type that feels the most fulfilled when supporting others, they will want to know the dreams and aspirations of their partners so they can best help them on that journey. Paradoxically, this can be a challenge for ENFJs that shift from a support role to a pushing position. If their partner feels pushed, they may resent the ENFJs overly supportive action and rhetoric.


ENFJs Attitude to Relationships

How do ENFJ types approach relationships?

ENFJs aren't afraid to put themselves out there. Their infectious enthusiasm delights most, and they will want to dive deep with their prospective partners. It's not enough to stay on surface-level conversations. ENFJs want to know the big dreams of their partner, and as they learn these insights, they begin to formulate how they will support their partner in achieving them.

What makes the ENFJ happiest in a relationship is having a partner that feels happy. Their selfless nature shows in their relationships, as they prioritize the happiness of their partner. At times, this can be detrimental, as the ENFJ can abandon their pursuits and needs.

An ENFJ type in dating is likely to:

  • Dive into deep conversational topics on the first date.
  • Place importance on their partner's happiness.
  • Be warm, friendly, charming, and engaging.
  • Seek stable, long-term partnerships.
light bulb tip icon

The ENFJ wants to be in their partner's journey of growth.


ENFJs and Dating

How do ENFJ types fare in the dating world?

ENFJs are open with their intentions, and so often, they will be the side that initiates a first date, second date, or suggesting the relationship move to the next level. Short-term relationships do not excite the ENFJ because they derive satisfaction by acting in service to others in reaching their goals. With a focus on long-term prospects, ENFJs will move first-date conversations from the trivial to the consequential. ENFJs want to be with partners with big dreams and ambitions, and they want to support them along that journey.

blue star

When ENFJs fall in love, they tend to fall hard.

ENFJs make great partners because of their desire to support others. Their ability to interpret and respond appropriately to emotions helps them address potential issues before they become significant problems. The biggest challenge faced is that the ENFJ is prone to put their interests, needs, and desires to the side in support of their partner. ENFJs would be wise to carve out time for themselves in their support of others.

Info Table
Beneficial dating traits Negative dating traits
ENFJs are servant partners. ENFJs may neglect themselves and what's important to their needs in a relationship.
Able to address relationship challenges head-on. Can appear overbearing with their enthusiasm.
ENFJs are very capable of expressing how they feel with their partner and this communication is crucial to a successful relationship. Partners can feel "pushed" to grow by their ENFJ partner.
They are willing to make the first move. Have high standards that many people will not meet.
ENFJs make committed, trustworthy partners May be overly sensitive to criticism.

ENFJ Partner Compatibility

Analysis of personality compatibility for ENFJ types

ENFJs are charismatic and engaging. There is no type they can't win over when they put their minds to it. Still, certain personalities are a better fit for the ENFJ.

The ideal partner appreciates the support from their ENFJ partner and sees it for what it is. Less confident personalities may feel inadequacy in response to their ENFJ partner constantly pushing them to improve (see: enthusiastically supporting). They may begin to think their ENFJ partner doesn't believe them to be good enough as they are.

If an ENFJ matches with another, there will likely be little conflict, as both parties will have the ability to empathize well with one another, and both will value the unwavering support brought by their partner.

An attractive opposite would be the ISTP. The biggest opportunity is that the ISTP is grounded in reality and action. These qualities would bring balance to the big dreams that require more focus and practicality to achieve execution.

Figure 1: ENFJ partner compatibility

Percentage compatibility between ENFJ and other types

enfj compatibility

What this chart shows

This chart shows an estimate of the compatibility between ENFJ types and other types. We see that ENFJ types are most likely to be compatible with other ENFJs, and least likely to be compatible with ISTPs. This 'like-minds' effect is often the case (see Figure 2 below).

Notes:
  • 1. n=3297
  • 2. Population: Global
  • 3. Live dataset last updated:
  • 4. The questionnaire asked participants to select the traits that they favor when thinking about their ideal romantic partner, and the traits were mapped to each of the 16 types.

Figure 2: 16 type model partner compatibility

Percentage compatibility between the 16 factor model (Myers Briggs®) types

mbti compatibility matrix

What this chart shows

This chart shows an estimate of the compatibility between Myers Briggs® types. Our research shows that the strongest match is usually with someone of the same type. Another general pattern we observe is extraverts are generally more compatible with other extraverts, and introverts are more compatible with other introverts. This data supports the adage "birds of a feather flock together” and discredits the often-quoted mantra "opposites attract".

Across almost all types, the most compatible combination is with someone of an identical type. Within this general trend, the degree of compatibility varies slightly. For example, the compatibility between two INFP types is very high (at 95%) whereas the compatibility between two INTJs is 86%. The only exception to the observation that the best match is with someone of the same type is for ESFP types. The researchers note that ESFP types do still strongly favor other extraverts.

Notes:
  • 1. n=3297
  • 2. Population: Global
  • 3. Live dataset last updated:
  • 4. The questionnaire asked participants to select the traits that they favor when thinking about their ideal romantic partner, and the traits were mapped to each of the 16 types.

Advice for Dating as an ENFJ

How to have successful ENFJ relationships

If you are an ENFJ, your biggest dating challenge may be keeping calm when you find someone you think is a good match. ENFJs tend to dive into relationships they believe have promise, and this enthusiasm can be intimidating and off-putting to others. Don't worry; most will find your eagerness and ability to dream as major selling points.

As an ENFJ

  • green tickDo ask your partner about their big goals and desires.
  • green tick Do wear your enthusiasm on your sleeve.
  • green tick Do address conflict early when it arises.
  • green tick Do take pleasure in supporting your partner.
  • green tick Do remember to make time for your own goals.
  • red cross Don't take a failed relationship personally.
  • red cross Don't let your enthusiasm become pushy.

Advice for Partners of ENFJs

How to make an ENFJ fall in love with you

ENFJs are stable and giving partners. Their joy comes in the form of service to others, and nowhere else is this more prevalent than in their relationships. If partners know the ENFJ's driving motivations, they will be a long-time recipient of the love and support ENFJs bring to a partner.

Being with an ENFJ

  • green tick Do have a firm moral compass.
  • green tick Do acknowledge their support of others.
  • green tick Do dream big with them.
  • green tick Do help them retain focus on supporting themselves.
  • red cross Don't avoid minor conflicts; address them.
  • red cross Don't mistake their support for pushiness to change.

ENFJ Friendships

Principles of how ENFJ types behave in a friendship

In friendships, ENFJs seek a variety of perspectives and personality types to engage with. ENFJs desire to truly know others, and with a willingness to put themselves out there first, this results in wide social circles. ENFJs are loyal, principled, purpose-driven, trustworthy, and supportive; they make incredible friends. They are quick to help solve others' problems, and they are skilled at finding solutions for the group. As extraverts, they recharge most when engaging with others. Engagement isn't a merely surface-level conversation; learning the idiosyncrasies that make each person unique is what the ENFJ seeks most of all. This desire to learn and understand allows them to tailor the support and guidance they love to give.

blue star

ENFJs are friends to be counted upon.

With an everlasting pursuit of self-improvement, the ENFJ hopes the same for their friends. The ENFJ expects others to be as driven to improve and grow as they are. When others don't meet the expectations of self-improvement the ENFJ holds for themselves, that friendship is unlikely to continue. ENFJs derive the greatest pleasure from being an integral part of the success of their friends. Fulfillment comes when they know they contributed to the success of another. However, challenges can arise when their friends fail or aren't interested in the offered support. When a friend fails, despite the help of the ENFJ in their corner, it can bruise the ego of the ENFJ, who then sees their friend's failure as a failure of themselves. If a friend has no desire to act on the suggestion or support brought, the ENFJ can feel unappreciated. ENFJs often feel responsible for all problems that belong to others and would be wise to let others tend to their problems, at least some of the time.

face reading open book

ENFJs would be wise to learn from airline safety protocols: put on your own mask first before helping those around you.

ENFJs are excellent at stepping into the shoes of others, and they will be able to empathize with their friends enduring challenging times. They'll decipher underlying feelings, suggest practical solutions, and even coach their friend through implementation. The ENFJ is a great friend for anyone willing to accept help.

quotation marks The greatest gift the ENFJ can give is themselves.
Ellie Simmonds, MSc

How ENFJs can Improve their Relationships with others

ENFJs becoming a better partner and friend

ENFJs will improve their relationships with others by leveraging their compassion. Not everyone will accept their help or guidance, and that's not a judgment on their ability to offer support. Not all of their friends will succeed in conquering their problems, which isn't an assessment on the ENFJ either.

As an ENFJ, this is what can be done to improve relationships with other people:

  • Try to gracefully accept when others don't follow your advice.
  • Address conflicts early on rather than avoiding the uncomfortable circumstance.
  • Try to find validation internally as opposed to relying on positive feedback and gratitude from others.
  • Don't be so fully invested in the endeavors of others that you lose sight of your own.

 


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Ellie Simmonds, MSc

University of Bath, Psychology

Ellie Simmonds, MSc in Psychology from University of Bath. Ellie is an associate lecturer on psychometric assessments and has extensive knowledge of the 16-type model.