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16 Types

INFJ Relationships

What INFJ personality types are like in relationships and compatibility advice.

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INFJs have a heartfelt wish for sincere relationships. People with this personality type prefer to nurture a close circle of confidants than endure connections for convenience. Similarly, an INFJ want to surround themselves with those that uplift them – negative people are not healthy for INFJs. They yearn for and rely on discoveries to strengthen their bonds with those closest to them. In their withdrawn way, INFJ Types see beyond appearances and try to understand people on a deeper level.


INFJs' Attitude to Relationships

How do INFJ types approach relationships?

A sense of integrity and human development guide the INFJ personality type. In an INFJ relationship, they eagerly support the ambitions and accomplishments of their nearest and dearest. With their innate ability to be creative problem-solvers, they strive to maintain harmony in their relationships. They investigate far within the emotional core of an issue to reach common grounds. However, an INFJ's core ethics drive their actions. They tend to be unwilling to compromise when an idea feels fake to them.

An INFJ will likely:

  • Have high standards for their relationships
  • Only share more of their lives as trust grows.
  • Choose genuine, honest, and sincere relationships.
  • Have a deep desire that goes beyond the physical.
light bulb tip icon

INFJ relationships thrive when their partner respects their deeply held values and creative endeavors


INFJs and Dating

How do INFJ types fare in the dating world?

INFJ Types tend to be serious about romantic relationships. Seeing as they seek profound meaning, they prefer a match built on true love. They feel content when they can share their deep-seated feelings and thoughts with their partner. As a result, INFJs take longer to find a compatible partner. This fact can make them seem choosy to others, but they will likely wait for a suitable partner than settle for a shallow relationship.

An INFJ's ability to empathize builds strong bonds of intimacy – a personality trait among their greatest strengths. They use this gift to build rapport with their partner and value when it is reciprocated. The natural flow from their extraverted Feeling makes them excellent listeners who genuinely care about others and want to connect with them.

blue star

An INFJ will often assume a position of guidance, helping their partner grow.

An INFJ's need for emotional intimacy can often lead them to feeling trapped in one-sided relationships. In other words, their partner takes more than they give. Unfortunately, such entanglement often leads to exhaustion and so it can be beneficial to seek a more balanced INFJ relationship. An INFJ thrives in a relationship with someone who willingly respects their boundaries and emotional needs.

Info Table
Beneficial dating traits Negative dating traits
INFJs can make their partners feel understood in unconventional and beautiful ways. INFJs can have unrealistic expectations that could lead them to be viewed as demanding.
INFJs strive to become one with the mind, body, and soul of their partner. INFJs might persist in finding the ideal partner that ultimately does not exist.
INFJs rarely take a relationship for granted and explore strengthening their bond by unifying with their partner. INFJs are more resistant towards people who challenge their core beliefs.
INFJs encourage the dreams and accomplishments of their partner. INFJs value their privacy, and therefore, often seem unapproachable/unavailable.

INFJ Partner Compatibility

Which type is most compatible with an INFJ for a relationship?

INFJs feel an easy rapport with personality types that share their general approach to life. They do not necessarily have to agree on everything but a good balance of commonalities, openness, and challenging moments present potential unity.

Conflict is unlikely within a double INFJ relationship. Even when they disagree, they will approach difficulties with similar compassion to reach harmonious equilibrium. However, no magic formula exists to ensure a successful INFJ relationship. INFJ/INFJ partners may find it difficult to "agree to disagree" due to both having rigid beliefs. But when they let their empathetic superpowers guide them, they will reconnect – even strengthen their dual INFJ relationship.

Figure 1: INFJ partner compatibility

Percentage compatibility between INFJ and other types

infj compatibility

What this chart shows

This chart shows an estimate of the compatibility between INFJ types and other types. We see that INFJ types are most likely to be compatible with other INFJs, and least likely to be compatible with an ESTP. This 'like-minds' effect is often the case (see Figure 2 below).

Notes:
  • 1. n=3297
  • 2. Population: Global
  • 3. Live dataset last updated:
  • 4. The questionnaire asked participants to select the traits that they favor when thinking about their ideal romantic partner, and the traits were mapped to each of the 16 types.

Figure 2: 16 type model partner compatibility

Percentage compatibility between the 16 factor model (Myers Briggs®) types

mbti compatibility matrix

What this chart shows

This chart shows an estimate of the compatibility between Myers Briggs® types. Our research shows that the strongest match is usually with someone of the same type. Another general pattern we observe is extraverts are generally more compatible with other extraverts, and introverts are more compatible with other introverts. This data supports the adage "birds of a feather flock together” and discredits the often-quoted mantra "opposites attract".

Across almost all types, the most compatible combination is with someone of an identical type. Within this general trend, the degree of compatibility varies slightly. For example, the compatibility between two INFP types is very high (at 95%) whereas the compatibility between two INTJs is 86%. The only exception to the observation that the best match is with someone of the same type is for ESFP types. The researchers note that ESFP types do still strongly favor other extraverts.

Notes:
  • 1. n=3297
  • 2. Population: Global
  • 3. Live dataset last updated:
  • 4. The questionnaire asked participants to select the traits that they favor when thinking about their ideal romantic partner, and the traits were mapped to each of the 16 types.

Advice for dating as an INFJ

How to have successful INFJ relationships

As natural-born nurturers, INFJs tend to give much more than they take. But even while they prefer it this way, an INFJ should remember to express their boundaries. Mindfully, INFJs can both challenge and affirm their approach to avoid misadventures in love.

As an INFJ

  • green tick Be open and honest about your expectations from the start.
  • green tick Allow yourself time to process your thoughts before responding
  • green tick Lower your guard slightly, but not your standards.
  • green tick Take your time to decipher your feelings for the other person.
  • red cross Try not to absorb the subtlest cues of every interaction.
  • red cross Avoid drawing conclusions beforehand based on past relationships.
  • red cross Try not to idealize a perfect relationship with someone.
  • red cross Try not to overanalyze what went wrong.

Advice for Partners of INFJs

How to make an INFJ fall in love with you

In truth, INFJs tend to be confusing people with deeply complex emotions. No matter how resolute and strong the INFJ in your life seems, they carry inner tenderness that requires attentive care. With little acts of kindness, you can engage with your INFJ partner on a profound level they will undoubtedly appreciate.

Dating an INFJ advice

  • green tick Regularly check in on your INFJ to show them you care.
  • green tick Try to notice and appreciate the odd intricacies of their personality.
  • green tick Give them time and space to decompress so they can continue to be their best selves.
  • green tick Give your INFJ some comic relief, especially when they feel tense.
  • green tick Allow a safe space for them to vocalize their unfiltered thoughts.
  • red cross Cherish their good-hearted nature.
  • red cross Avoid worldly distractions from interfering whilst spending time with them.
  • red cross Try not to be alarmed when your INFJ becomes withdrawn or moody.

INFJ Friendships

Principles of how INFJ types behave in a friendship

The INFJ personality type often struggles to find a suitable circle of friends. The reason for this is that INFJs generally take friendships seriously. They invest precious time and energy into every relationship they welcome into their lives. And although INFJs are social introverts, they cherish quality social interaction but with smaller social circles.

blue star

Count yourself fortunate to be friends with the rare INFJ. They are highly selective about who they let into their lives.

Within their sensitive nature, INFJs have a unique charm that lures people into opening up. But they rarely open up right away in return. Instead, INFJs take their time to learn about the other person and slowly reveal themselves over a long period.

quotation marks INFJs show their true colors and shine during one-on-one interactions and might even talk your ears off.
Ellie Simmonds, MSc

In their reserved nature, the INFJ counts on their intuition to guide them, but this may often manifest into fear. Doubt and a lack of self-confidence could hold them back from saying “Yes” to inspiring opportunities. An INFJ may be closed off at first to explore the friendship's potential, but it will be worth the wait. When an INFJ claims someone as their friend, they are in it forever. No amount of physical distance or communication gaps will make them stray. They are loyal and will move mountains for their friends.

INFJs seek deep emotional support, harmony, and a healthy give-and-take to prosper in friendships

In contrast, a confusing and controversial moment occurs when the rare personality type exercises their infamous INFJ door slam. In other words, when someone deeply and repeatedly wounds an INFJ, they attempt to wipe all traces of the person from their life. It may seem melodramatic, but for an INFJ, it is rarely the case. Usually, the door slam happens as a last resort. With their caring and patient nature, they tend to forgive the shortcomings of others. But when they reach that intolerable point and no longer see resolution, they slam the door.

face reading open book

INFJs are seldom dramatic in their friendship status with a friend.


How INFJs can Improve their Relationships with others

Tips for an INFJ to be a better partner and friend

While the INFJ personality type may be reliable and understanding, they may end the relationship when they feel underappreciated. INFJ's should keep in mind that not all personality types require deep emotional engagement.

As an INFJ, try these to improve relationships with other people:

  • When someone challenges their core beliefs, the INFJ should try to be more willing to compromise.
  • As a result of focusing on others and neglecting themselves, INFJ's tend to become explosive. Therefore, this personality type must release the pressure in the form of a healthy rant.
  • Often, INFJs experience separation anxiety that makes them feel compelled to fix issues. They should try not to take the actions of others personally and instead practice the patience they use to support people.
  • An INFJ's unrealistically high expectations might push people away. It is best not to expect a perfect relationship. They should let people be who they are and not overwhelm them with their eagerness to grow.
  • An INFJ's desire to nurture others often overshadows their own needs and makes them feel isolated. They should remember to voice their needs to help the people around them understand their inner conflicts and wishes.

 


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Ellie Simmonds, MSc

University of Bath, Psychology

Ellie Simmonds, MSc in Psychology from University of Bath. Ellie is an associate lecturer on psychometric assessments and has extensive knowledge of the 16-type model.