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Enneagram

Enneagram Type 1 Relationships: In Love and Friendships

How to be in a relationship with a Type 1 Enneagram

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Every Enneagram type relates to other Enneagram types in different ways. Type 1s have different positives and negatives when it comes to the compatibility with the other types. Here we list the romantic relationship compatibility of a Type 1 with every other Enneagram type, including how they relate to other Type 1s.


Type 1 Compatibility Analysis

Compatibility between Type 1s and other types

In this study, participants completed our enneagram type questionnaire, and were asked to describe their ideal partner using the key personality dimensions which determines a person's enneatype. This allowed to identify both the participants’ enneatypes and the enneatypes of their preferred romantic partners. From this, we are able to determine the compatibility of different enneatypes by gauging how mutually attractive they are to one another.

For example, if Type Ones and Type Twos rate each other as highly attractive, that indicates a high degree of compatibility. Similarly, if Type Ones and Twos rate each other as unattractive, that indicates a low degree of compatibility. And lastly, if Type Ones and Twos rate each other as moderately attractive, or if both Types gave opposite ratings of attractiveness to each other, that would indicates a moderate degree of compatibility. Below we report our findings on Enneagram type compatibility.

Figure 1: Percent compatibility analysis for Type One relationships

relationships compatibility

What this chart shows

This chart shows an estimate of how compatible Type Ones are with other types. Our research suggests that Type Ones are in fact most compatible with other Type Ones. This is because Type Ones consistently rated other Type Ones as the most desirable romantic partners. After other Type Ones, Type Threes and Twos were also found to be highly compatible. This is because Type Ones and Type Threes / Twos mutually rate each other as desirable, suggesting a high degree of compatibility.

Our research also suggests that Type Fives, Sevens and Fours are the least compatible with Type Ones. This is because Type Ones and Type Fives / Sevens / Fours mutually rate each other as undesirable, suggesting a low degree of compatibility.

Lastly, our findings suggest that Type Eights, Sixes, and Nines show moderate compatibility with Type Ones. This is either because Type Ones and Type Eights / Sixes / Nines mutually find each other only moderately desirable, or there is a large difference between how desirable each Type perceives the other.

Notes:
  • 1. n=1,301
  • 2. Population: global
  • 3. Live dataset last updated:

Let us compare this to the results for all Enneagram types using our Enneagram compatibility matrix:

Figure 2: Percent compatibility analysis for Enneagram types

enneagram compatibility matrix

What this chart shows

This chart shows two major findings. Firstly, across all enneatypes, the most compatible combination is universally that same enneatype. This is because every enneatype found their own enneatype to be more attractive than any other, resulting in the highest levels of compatibility. Although this trend is universal, the degree of compatibility does vary slightly. For example, Type Twos and Fours found their own enneatype to be especially attractive, with compatibility ratings of 97%. However, Type Eights only show an 84% compatibility rating with other Type Eights, albeit still higher than with other enneatypes.

Secondly, we see that the degree of similarly largely determines the degree of compatibility. For example, Type Twos and Type Nines are highly similar personality types, both showing high levels of agreeableness, cooperation, and team orientation. We can clearly see that Type Twos and Type Nines are highly compatible, mutually rating each other as attractive. However, Type Eights and Type Nines are very different, showing polar opposite levels of assertiveness, competitiveness, and emotional volatility. As a result, Type Eights and Type Nines mutually rate each other as undesirable, making them less compatible.

Both of these key findings suggest that interpersonal attractiveness is heavily based on similarity, rather than difference. Among all enneatypes, the correlation between the degree of interpersonal similarity and ratings of desirability was found to be .82, suggesting a very strong association. This provides evidence for the old adage, “Birds of a feather flock together”, and discredits the alternative notion that “Opposites attract”.

Notes:
  • 1. n=1,301
  • 2. Population: global
  • 3. Live dataset last updated:

Remember this data is aggregate data collected by people's self-report of relationship success coupled with our research into personality type theory. Understandably there will exist many happy and successful relationships between people who have 'low' compatibility. Personality type is just one factor to a successful relationship, and there is a high level of variance in the data. There will be outliers and exceptions; this data is merely propensity to a successful match. If only love could be explained entirely through science!


Double Type 1 Relationships

How compatible is a double Type 1 relationship?

Double Type One relationships are the most likely to be highly compatible. Both partners in the relationship will be concerned with consistent, truthful, and principled behavior. They will therefore treat the other with respect and consideration. Double Type One relationships are likely to be more work than play, more rational approaches and problem-solving partnerships than passionate abandon.

Both Type Ones are drawn to their shared values and convictions and will enjoy discussing them with each other - sometimes putting these shared ideals and desires into practice together. A double Type One relationship will have a character of fortitude that is sustained through this respect and integrity of character given to each other.

More work or play?

Double Type One relationships are likely to be more work than play, more rational than passionate.

However, here lies the biggest problem that can belie a double Type One relationship: the slippage of this maintained integrity. It can be difficult if there is a slippage and one or both lapse in their high standards of themselves. The other will tend to react negatively because of their lack of tolerance of error or poor behavior and this can be made manifest via condescension, indication or ridicule.

Another issue for double Type One relationships is they will likely have a very small friend circle due to their feeling that few people meet their high standards as a couple. This condescension can leave double Type One couples quite isolated, and this in turn can produce odd and eccentric habits from them as they are more withdraw from society at large.


Type 1 and Type 2 Relationships

How compatible are Type 1s in a relationship with Type 2s?

Type Ones and Twos work very well in relationships as they share some similar qualities while those they do not share are often complimentary. Both types have a high sense of duty and work towards causes that they find meaningful and compliant with their moral standards. For example, they may both be in service roles or work for the public sector.

Both Type Ones and Type Twos focus on the needs of others, and this can take away the focus our from their own relationship. As a result, Type One to Two relationships are typically quite mature. The relationship is kept strong from their solid values and foundational ethics that they both bring to it.

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Both Type Ones and Type Twos focus on the needs of others, and this can take away the focus our from their own relationship.

Therefore, the relationship is built around these values and both will likely follow a similar path of growth. While Twos bring the nurturing and helpful support to the relationship (something that Ones struggle with doing), Ones will bring stability, consistency, and integrity. This will make the Two feel secure and looked after. Equally, while Ones can sometimes appear cold, the Two will bring warmth to the coupling.

However, the incompatibilities between Type Ones and Twos can cause potential issues. They tend to both struggle with expressing their feelings openly and these can lead to things unsaid in the relationship and to have issues left unresolved for longer than is necessary.

quotation marks Both Ones and Twos struggle with expressing their feelings openly and this can lead to things unsaid in the relationship.
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

Ones have high standards for others and if they feel that their Two partner is giving too much of themselves helping others and not themselves, then Ones may be frustrated or disappointed in their partner. Equally, Twos can see Ones as high-minded or unsympathetic leading to criticism, which Type Ones don't readily accept. This, in turn, can damage the Type One's sense of idealism. This, coupled with their difficulty in communication, can leave some issues to slowly simmer until they escalate to larger, more confrontational arguments.


Type 1 and Type 3 Relationships

How compatible are Type 1s in a relationship with Type 3s?

Type 3 and Type 1 relationships can be some of the most productive partnerships possible. They can be a very powerful combination. Both Ones and Threes are idealistic, highly driven, and serious. This can lead to a partnership of intense hard work and self-discipline, bolstered by both partners high standards they set for each other. As a result, a Type One and Three relationship can achieve great things together, combining to create highly competent achievements and personal successes together. This exuberance can snowball, with soaring confidence levels and collective hard work. It should be expected that the partnership is professional to a degree, rather than romantic and passionate.

The Type One brings their principled nature to the pairing and will want to work in a disciplined manner that obeys the rules and the values of the work. The Three will not mind undermining these rules if it means they can get ahead. Ultimately, there are only two other pairings which produce similarly effective results: a double Type One and a double Type Three relationship.

letter i in grey circle for information point

It should be expected that a Type One and Three relationship is professional to a degree, and can be less romantic and passionate.

However, this pairing can come at a price. Both Type Ones and Type Threes are better at resolving external problems rather than internal issues. This can mean that there are unresolved issues that fester within the relationship and if left unchecked, can boil into a bad sequence of events. This lack of emotional attachment can cause the high achieving, competitive nature of each pairing to compete against each other. When this happens, a relationship breakdown can occur.

quotation marks Type Ones and Type Three relationships can be some of, if not the most, productive partnerships.
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

Ones can feel that the Threes are too pragmatic while Threes can feel that Ones are too inflexible and rigid. Since Threes thrive on praise, the lack of it from their Type One partner, whom, when stressed, will struggle to give it to themselves let only their Three partner, will cause a deep rift to occur in the relationship.

Nevertheless, even if all this does occur, then Type Ones and Threes can still find a professional, perhaps commercial usefulness from the continued relationship and may then attempt to sustain it under these new conditions.


Type 1 and Type 4 Relationships

How compatible are Type 1s in a relationship with Type 4s?

A Type 4 and Type 1 relationship can be challenging to maintain in the long term. They can be very attracted to each other for their intense levels of idealism and their expressions of how they wish the world to be. Both chase a sense of the ideal world that they wish to create, develop, and live in. But their sense of that ideal is not the same — Ones crave order, justice, and virtue, whereas Type Fours crave beauty, creativity, and self-expression. This can lead to an opposites attract situation where they both offer what the other cannot and enhance them both as a result.

Ones bring objectivity, truth and values, their discipline and consistency to the relationship. Fours bring their sensuality, creativity, spontaneity and inspiration to the relationship.

Fours therefore offer Ones a space to express their feelings that they otherwise might have found challenging. This can be a useful balancer to the One's formality and can allow them to grow in areas they wouldn't be able to otherwise. Equally, Ones can help the Fours with disciplined habits to help them better cultivate their expression. The key to a Type One and Type Four relationship is that they appreciate what the other offers and brings to the team. If so, they can bring out the qualities the other struggles with and this can then be a flourishing relationship.

Opposites attract?

Both offer what the other cannot and enhance them both as a result. However, if the differences are not appreciated, then the relationship will be difficult to maintain.

However, if the differences are not appreciated, then the relationship will be difficult to maintain. Type Ones tend to be objective and routine, while Fours tend to be subjective and spontaneous. The One's rigidity can be frustrating for the Four who longs for individualist expression and the Fours’ self-indulgence can grate heavily with the One's sense of order and self-restraint. In other words, this can mean that each partner starts to annoy the other and no longer become their ideal, since the idealism of Type One and Type Four is almost opposite to one another. They can start to become disaffected with each other, and look down on the other as lacking the quality they most admire. When this happens, the relationship may degrade as the frustration and disagreements over their fundamental values intensify.


Type 1 and Type 5 Relationships

How compatible are Type 1s in a relationship with Type 5s?

A Type 5 and a Type 1 relationship sometimes harbor certain strengths with regards to how both types hesitate to act emotionally and prefer to use ordered, reasoned thinking. Both types view themselves as logical and cerebral, though Type Ones focus on practical implications and causes, whereas Type Fives enjoy purely cerebral activities.

Both types appreciate mental strength and emotional stability, sharing a relationship of intellectual stimulation across a range of interests from politics to engineering. As a result, a One's and Five's relationship will enjoy each other's company tremendously, admiring their partner's intelligence. Likewise their intellectual outlook will generally mean they share a similar sense of humor and will bond over this through their shared hobbies and interests.

dim bulb

Both types appreciate mental strength and emotional stability, sharing a relationship of intellectual stimulation across a range of interests from politics to engineering.

Type One and Type Five relationships are likely to be very formal, with both partners being quite rigid in their courtship. They will be courteous to each other, and expect respect in their engagements. Whereas Ones bring order and systemization to the relationship, Fives will bring their intellectual curiosity and intrigue.

However, even though Type Ones and Types Fives are similar with regards to their enjoyment of intellectual exercises, they have different perspectives on truth. Whereas Type Ones like to believe in an objective truth, and they try to follow that truth in their lives and practices, Type Fives tend not to believe in a single truth but rather subjective truth. As a result, they can clash about the way they live their lives and how they come to their intellectual conclusions.

quotation marks Type One and Type Five can clash about the way they live their lives.
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

In a sense, the types have a different fundamental philosophy of life. While they can respect the difference of opinion, in practice it will be hard to see past it. Type Ones and Type Fives can then both get indignant with each other which turns to coldness and reservedness.


Type 1 and Type 6 Relationships

How compatible are Type 1s in a relationship with Type 6s?

A Type 6 and Type 1 relationship may vary considerably, as they are alike in some ways, but not in others. Both types work hard and are serious in their world outlook. Type Sixes are notoriously loyal and diligent and Ones are also consistent and committed. Therefore, both types have a strong sense of duty that if they both share can be very fulfilling.

Type Ones bring a sense of focus and decision-making to a One-Six relationship. As a result, they will often act as leader within the pair. The concern for consistent and logic that Ones produce can have a helpful impact on their Six partner who sometimes lack this quality.

quotation marks Type Ones, with a focus on making decisions, will often act as leader within the pair.
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

Sixes bring a greater sense of kindness, warmth, and generosity to the relationship that can help open the Type One partner up. It can also act as a useful buffer against the Ones’ unceasing certainty about all things. Since Sixes are more socially desirable than Ones on the whole, a Type One and Type Six relationship can be very strong as a pairing as they are both stable and desirable for outsiders.

letter i in grey circle for information point

A Type One and Type Six relationship can be very strong as a pairing as thy are both stable and desirable for outsiders.

However, if there is stress in the relationship, Type Ones become more hard-nosed and judgmental of their partner, which often results in outright criticism. The need for constant work and little play, combined with consistent criticism will distant the Six partner considerably. Sixes then might start to feel insecure with the relationship entirely. Also, when Sixes increase in stress, they become more emotionally unstable and insecure — a toxic mix when the partner is being overly critical. With a critical Type One partner, the Type Six can spiral into anxiety and insecurity. The entire relationship can then degrade under the strain of these competing forces.

When Sixes get more anxious, they get more defensive and the hard work and consistency that the Type One is craving is no longer there. This leads to the Type One being disappointed in their Type Six partner. Ones then become isolated and indifferent, provoking an overly emotional response from their Type Six partner and then blame them on their outburst as immaturity. These factors can easily end the relationship so is a factor to be conscious of when stress levels become unhealthy.


Type 1 and Type 7 Relationships

How compatible are Type 1s in a relationship with Type 7s?

A Type 7 and Type 1 relationship is usually present certain unique challenges. The Ones and Sevens are somewhat opposites when it comes to their values and ways of being. This can be complimentary in a healthy One-Seven relationship as each partner brings their strengths to the relationship to help the other's weaknesses.

Type Ones bring consistency, good work habits, high individual standards, and order. Type Sevens bring spontaneity, energy, a sense of freedom, and openness to experiences. These differences can yield great positives to the relationship.

The Ones’ methodical order helps the Seven not lose their way or get too distracted while the Sevens helps bring excitement and spirit lifting. Likewise, Ones can offer a sense of direction to the relationship, while Sevens can be supportive of this as long as their values are aligned.

High stake opposites?

Ones and Sevens are somewhat opposites when it comes to their values and ways of being. But this can be positive if they compliment these differences.

However, if there is stress in the relationship, Type Ones becomes more critical and judgmental of their partner, which leads to problems. Soon Type Ones could begin to see Type Sevens as undisciplined and messy, prone to fooling around too much, and not giving things the focus and attention that Ones feel they should. Equally, Sevens see Ones as too uptight and inflexible and not accepting of anything outside of their purview.

quotation marks Type Ones could see Type Sevens as undisciplined and prone to fooling around.
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

Eventually, Sevens will ignore the criticism from their Type One partner and seek intimacy elsewhere as Sevens do not like to feel trapped. Unhealthy Ones will contribute readily to this deterioration with their constant criticism. Soon enough both members of the Type One-Seven relationship will find their partner embarrassing to be around and thus marks the inevitable end of the relationship.


Type 1 and Type 8 Relationships

How compatible are Type 1s in a relationship with Type 8s?

Type 8 and Type 1 relationships have quite some potential, especially when both partners are at a healthy level. The relationship can be a formidable fighting force when healthy. Both types are attracted to standing up for causes and making decisions. Both see themselves as correcting these perceived injustices.

Type Ones typically want to bring some order to chaos, and Type Eights are dominant and protective. Together, both types can bring their focus and impassioned vision towards a shared cause, sacrificing for what they believe is righteous.

quotation marks This relationship can be a formidable fighting force, standing up for causes and making decisions
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

In many sense, a Type One-Eight relationship is a powerful pairing as they have the ability to accomplish challenging goals with purpose and decisiveness. The Type Eight's passion and energy is a good counterbalance to the Type One's reserve, and that can cause attraction between them. Likewise, the Eight can admire the One's convictions. It's important to note that these types are otherwise not similar, and these differences can be a boon or a burden.

dim bulb

Both types appreciate mental strength and emotional stability, sharing a relationship of intellectual stimulation across a range of interests from politics to engineering.

However, while the Type One and Type Eight relationship can be strong when working effectively together, the differences between them can act as a dousing to their fire. As mentioned, a One-Eight partnership is less likely to be romantic as both types wish to be dominant, take control, and do things their own way.

Ones are self-controlled and have their ordered and disciplined way of doing things. Eights are more brash and self-interested. The disorder that Type Eight's can cause is a big problem for Type One's and equally, the rigidity and self-righteousness of Type Ones can be very off-putting; they can see them as naive in their view of the world as ordered and controlled and hypocritical in their actions.

Since both types attempt to be dominant, arguments can be very aggressive, even violent, and the relationship can be difficult to repair once breakdown has strengthened to a point of no return.


Type 1 and Type 9 Relationships

How compatible are Type 1s in a relationship with Type 9s?

Type 9 and Type 1 relationships tend to work in the extremes. When they are working well, they can be a force of harmony and excellence. Both types strive for idealism and aim to improve the world as they wish to see it. Ones bring their articulation to principles, order and consistency. Type Nines bring their accepting nature, harmonic demeanor and supportive qualities to the partnership. Both are hard working, able to delay gratification for long-term rewards and sacrifice for the needs of others.

Nines compliment Ones by reducing the overt seriousness of Ones while at the same time Ones give a purposed focus to Nines. At their best, a Type One-Nine relationship is a balance of harmony and idealism, where both can remain level headed as well as striving for excellence.

letter i in grey circle for information point

At their best, a Type One-Nine relationship is a balance of harmony and idealism, where both can remain level headed as well as striving for excellence.

However, when they are not working well, a Type One-Nine relationship can become dysfunctional. The main issue is that Ones and Nines deal with stress and problems completely differently.

Type Ones often deal with stress by criticizing themselves and others openly, feeling that themselves and others are not living up to their idealized versions. They can be aggressive and barbed, spending energy in finding the source of the fault. This generally leads to increased conflict and stress.

On the other hand, Type Nines deal with conflict from a more reserved attitude, and as stress increased, they tend to withdraw and become unresponsive. This pairing is often not effective in resolving problems for while Ones are looking for someone to blame and will openly criticize, Nines will not respond and will not resist.

quotation marks This pairing is often not effective in resolving problems
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

Ones crave taking responsibility, and others also taking responsibility. This is something that Type Nines find difficult and this further leads to Ones’ frustration with their partner. As the stressed Type One believes that they are in the right, they can become more self-righteous and indignant leading to their Type Nine partner to be unhappy with them.


Enneagram Type 1 - How to Get Along with Me

Creating friendships with Enneagram Type 1s

Enneagram Type 1 friends can sometimes be seen as dull, or unable to have fun, due to their high standards and passion for organization. Type Ones can find it hard to truly be present and relax. Due to a Type One's mind being focused primarily on positive change and work, it's important for friends of a Type 1 to encourage them to find time for fun activities - a Type 1 friend should engage Type Ones in fun activities, distracting them for a while from their focus on reform.

Type One's are very analytical, they are good at critiquing and finding ways to improve things. This can cause them to sometimes be self-critical, they can be frustrated at mistakes they have made and think there are many areas where they could improve. Don't try and get in the way of their pursuit of improvement, but it may be nice to compliment them on things they are good at and re-assure them of their strengths.

If these critiques end up coming your way, as a friend or wannabe friend of a Type One, then politely acknowledge and decline their advice - they're only trying to help.

Lastly, to become a friend of a Type 1 you need to not be passive aggressive. It's important to be honest and firm if you have any issues. A Type One will likely feel stressed when in situations where there are problems which one party will not deal with. This will cause your friendship to falter, or fail to kick off.

Type 1s can make excellent friends, they are highly principled so will always be honest and trusting. A healthy friendship with a Type One will be based on trust, honesty and reliability. Following these rules will be the foundation for helping you learn how to become friends with a Type 1 Enneagram.


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Chloe Yarwood, MSc

University of Chichester, Advanced Applied Psychology

Chloe Yarwood, MSc in Advanced Applied Psychology from University of Chichester. Specialist in personality type theory and developing valid personality questionnaires.