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Enneagram Type 9 Relationships: In Love and Friendships

How to be in a relationship with a Type 9 Enneagram

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Peacemakers bring uniqueness to each of their relationships just as well as all of their enneagram counterparts. Type 9s are known for being quiet, gentle and supportive to their partners, which falls right into their introverted demeanors. They are easy-going, and don't let minor irritations get to them or to their relationships, which helps make them a compatible partner.


Type 9 Compatibility Analysis

Compatibility between Type 9s and other types

In this study, participants completed our enneagram type questionnaire, and were asked to describe their ideal partner using the key personality dimensions which determines a person's enneatype. This allowed to identify both the participants’ enneatypes and the enneatypes of their preferred romantic partners. From this, we are able to determine the compatibility of different enneatypes by gauging how mutually attractive they are to one another.

For example, if Type Ones and Type Twos rate each other as highly attractive, that indicates a high degree of compatibility. Similarly, if Type Ones and Twos rate each other as unattractive, that indicates a low degree of compatibility. And lastly, if Type Ones and Twos rate each other as moderately attractive, or if both Types gave opposite ratings of attractiveness to each other, that would indicates a moderate degree of compatibility. Below we report our findings on Enneagram type compatibility.

Figure 1: Percent compatibility analysis for Type Nine relationships

relationships compatibility

What this chart shows

This chart shows an estimate of how compatible Type Nines are with other types. Our research suggests that Type Nines are in fact most compatible with other Type Nines. This is because Type Nines consistently rated other Type Nines as the most desirable romantic partners. After other Type Nines, Type Sevens and Twos were also found to be highly compatible. This is because Type Nines and Type Sevens / Twos mutually rate each other as desirable, suggesting a high degree of compatibility.

Our research also suggests that Type Threes, Fours and Eights are the least compatible with Type Nines. This is because Type Nines and Type Threes / Fours / Eights mutually rate each other as undesirable, suggesting a low degree of compatibility.

Lastly, our findings suggest that Type Sixes, Ones, and Fives show moderate compatibility with Type Nines. This is either because Type Nines and Type Sixes / Ones / Fives mutually find each other only moderately desirable, or there is a large difference between how desirable each Type perceives the other.

Notes:
  • 1. n=1,301
  • 2. Population: global
  • 3. Live dataset last updated:

Let us compare this to the results for all Enneagram types using our Enneagram compatibility matrix:

Figure 2: Percent compatibility analysis for Enneagram types

enneagram compatibility matrix

What this chart shows

This chart shows two major findings. Firstly, across all enneatypes, the most compatible combination is universally that same enneatype. This is because every enneatype found their own enneatype to be more attractive than any other, resulting in the highest levels of compatibility. Although this trend is universal, the degree of compatibility does vary slightly. For example, Type Twos and Fours found their own enneatype to be especially attractive, with compatibility ratings of 97%. However, Type Eights only show an 84% compatibility rating with other Type Eights, albeit still higher than with other enneatypes.

Secondly, we see that the degree of similarly largely determines the degree of compatibility. For example, Type Twos and Type Nines are highly similar personality types, both showing high levels of agreeableness, cooperation, and team orientation. We can clearly see that Type Twos and Type Nines are highly compatible, mutually rating each other as attractive. However, Type Eights and Type Nines are very different, showing polar opposite levels of assertiveness, competitiveness, and emotional volatility. As a result, Type Eights and Type Nines mutually rate each other as undesirable, making them less compatible.

Both of these key findings suggest that interpersonal attractiveness is heavily based on similarity, rather than difference. Among all enneatypes, the correlation between the degree of interpersonal similarity and ratings of desirability was found to be .82, suggesting a very strong association. This provides evidence for the old adage, “Birds of a feather flock together”, and discredits the alternative notion that “Opposites attract”.

Notes:
  • 1. n=1,301
  • 2. Population: global
  • 3. Live dataset last updated:

Remember this data is aggregate data collected by people's self-report of relationship success coupled with our research into personality type theory. Understandably there will exist many happy and successful relationships between people who have 'low' compatibility. Personality type is just one factor to a successful relationship, and there is a high level of variance in the data. There will be outliers and exceptions; this data is merely propensity to a successful match. If only love could be explained entirely through science!


Type 1 and Type 9 Relationships

How compatible are Type 9s in a relationship with Type 1s?

Peacemakers and Reformers make a relationship that creates a high sense of comfort and openness. Type Nines and Type Ones both have a strong desire for change in the world and to make it a better place, which is something that gives them such a strong connection in their relationship. Reformers and Peacemakers both have high moral and ethical standards, and are extremely conscientious and fair in their relationships. Both enneagram types are very nurturing and supporting in nature. They are able to understand each other who they are as individuals and what they have to offer.

Peacemakers are known for being steady, easy-going and undemanding in their relationships, and this allows them to minimize the seriousness of their Type One counterparts. Type Ones however inspire Type Nines to follow their life purpose. Reformers give peacemakers direction and help give clarity for what they are searching for in this lifetime. As a couple, type 9s and type 1s are known for being extremely generous, gracious, and wonderful company to have around. However, even though both of these enneagram types love spending time with others and each other, it is extremely important to them to have their own, separate alone time.

quotation marks Type 9s are known for being steady, easy-going and undemanding in their relationships, and this allows them to minimize the seriousness of their Type 1 counterparts.
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

However, even though Peacemakers and Reformers make a great pair, they have their difficulties just like any other relationship. Type 9s and Type 1s have different approaches to dealing with problems, which can lead to conflict within their relationship. They also have different coping mechanisms to rising stress levels with themselves and relationship related, which can also lead to conflict between the pair. It can be difficult for Type 9s to take responsibility for their actions and step up to the plate in the way their Type 1 counterparts need them to. When this happens, Reformers can push Peacemakers to respond in the way they want them to, leading Type 9s to retreat in a passive aggressive manner.


Type 2 and Type 9 Relationships

How compatible are Type 9s in a relationship with Type 2s?

Helpers and Peacemakers make confident partners with each other. They encourage each other to be better people, and they reframe disappointments or anything with a negative connotation to be as positive as they possibly can. Both Type 9s and Type 2s are interested in nurturing others, and doing what is right. This is why typically at parties they will be the first people to go out of their way to introduce themselves, or be the first people at someone's side if they are in need of aid. Peacemakers and Helpers bring outward and engaging energies to their relationships which allows them both to flourish.

Both types have warm, outstanding, kind qualities that they continue to reinforce with one another. Type 9s bring a sense of steadiness to their relationship, uncomplicated directness and quietness which allows their Type 2 counterparts to feel minimal stress. They are also extremely successful at calming down 2s when they are feeling unloved or unworthy because of their unquestionable love and acceptance they have for their partner. Both types bring a sense of belonging to their relationship where both people feel supported. This particular relationship is always happy to make a new friend and will welcome them into their home as if they were family.

However, just like any relationship, a Type 2 and Type 9 relationship has its weaknesses. They can feel like they are giving their power away to their counterpart because they are both just going along with what the other wants. They dislike negotiating power because it creates an uncomfortable amount of stress and makes both of them as if they are being the bad guy in the situation. It can be difficult for type 9s to find their own voice and speak up for themselves. Type 2s see this as a lack of gratitude for their ability to be understanding and can flip it right back around to place on their partner.


Type 3 and Type 9 Relationships

How compatible are Type 9s in a relationship with Type 3s?

Type Three and Type Nine are an unlikely pairing, with both parties holding different values. They provide an enormous amount of support for one another, and Type Nines take great pride in the accomplishments of their Type Three counterparts. This allows for Achievers to feel like they can let their hair down, and simply just be themselves with the support of their Peacemaker. Achievers know they can continue to explore for their fullest potential to be the best person and partner. With this support from Type Nines, Type Threes do not feel the need to drive themselves so hard, all of the time.

This pair is strong in their zero desire for conflict, and they do their best to always put a positive spin on every situation. They are incredibly idealistic, sociable, and have a strong love for caring for children, animals, and the underdog. Achievers and Peacemakers strive to create such a level of success where they will be able to take care of their extended family and friends without stress or worry. Peacemakers and Achievers have a strong physical passion for their relationship, and this plays a huge role in how 3s know they can be true to themselves with the support of their Type Nine counterpart.

quotation marks With this support from Type 9s, Type 3s do not feel the need to drive themselves so hard, all of the time.
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

However, this relationship is deemed to be such a strong, exciting relationship that it can often be seen as “too much of a good thing”. This pair brings so much attachment to their stability and comfort with one another that it becomes hard for them to question their routines and the status quo. Type 9s struggle to talk about what is bothering them to avoid endangering their relationship, even if it feels as if the relationship is already over.


Type 4 and Type 9 Relationships

How compatible are Type 9s in a relationship with Type 4s?

Nines and Fours are likely to experience certain challenges. They are both extremely tender-hearted and sympathetic to what they find in each other and in the world. In a Type 4 and Type 9 relationship, the partners will seek out autonomy and deep connections, but also a lot of privacy. The connections they strive for are so great, they search for their soulmate when seeking out their partner. Their relationship provides a noteworthy sense of love and comfort, as well as being very intimate. Individualists and Peacemakers are both withdrawn, private individuals are empathetic to each other's feelings. There is a deep passion and appreciation for one another which plays a large role in their sensitivity for each other's feelings.

Individualists tend to make Type Nines feel more expressive and intense, while Peacemakers allow Type Fours to feel understood and accepted. Type 9s provide a non-judgmental safe space of acceptance for their Type 4 counterparts in the relationship. Type 4s find themselves pinpointing their emotional states in Type 9s. Individualists' emotional storms bring a new perspective and add a little spice to the routine life of a Peacemaker.

letter i in grey circle for information point

Type 4 and Type 9 relationships seek out autonomy and deep connections, but also prefer a lot of privacy.

However, one of the largest struggles in a relationship between an Individualist and a Peacemaker is how they react so differently when their stress levels begin to climb. Type 4s typically become demanding and emotionally volatile, whereas Type 9s become disengaged and extremely hard to get to. Type Nines can become angered by a Type Four's sense of entitlement, and in return, Type Fours can become angered by a Type Nine's irresponsibility.


Type 5 and Type 9 Relationships

How compatible are Type 9s in a relationship with Type 5s?

A Type 5 and Type 9 relationship is unique by the amount of emotional and personal space they give one another. As much as they both love to do activities together and with other people, it is important to them to have time to do activities on their own. Their relationships are usually characterized by their non-intrusiveness, and strong respect of boundaries with one another. Type Nines appreciate their Type Five counterparts intellectuality, objectiveness, patience, and their ability to remember even the smallest of details. Type 5s love the warmth that radiates from Type 9s. It allows for a real, personal and intimate connection within the relationship.

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Type 9s appreciate their Type 5 counterparts intellectuality, objectiveness, patience, and their ability to remember even the smallest of details.

Peacemakers are known to be more emotional than Investigators, which is why Type 5s are so drawn to their nurturing nature. They find that Type 9 offer an unquestioned acceptance that also brings tenderness and comfort. Essentially, Type Nines make their Type Five counterparts take a step back, slow down, and focus on what they really need. This is an extremely stimulating, powerful couple who appreciates both the rational and the absurd.

quotation marks the Type 5 and Type 9 relationship's greatest strength can also be its greatest fault: space.
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

However, the Type 5 and Type 9 relationship's greatest strength can also be its greatest fault: space. This couple tends to provide such a large amount of personal and emotional space that tension and conflict can begin to grow. Sometimes they are able and willing to give too much space, but this stems from their expectations of independence within the relationship. Individualists struggle to live up to what Peacemakers have thought up in their imagination, subsequently creating unrealistic expectations for Type Fives. Type Nines have an on again off again nature that Type Fives loathe, and this can lead them to become pessimistic and cynical.


Type 6 and Type 9 Relationships

How compatible are Type 9s in a relationship with Type 6s?

Type 9 and Type 6 relationships can be supportive and intriguing. Even though they are very different people, they want the same things in their relationships and in life as whole: predictability and security. Unlike other couples, this pairing relies heavily on their belief systems and what their quality of life was during their childhood. Both Loyalists and Peacemakers want solid foundations for their lives, and they believe honest work should be rewarded. They are both extremely respectful of autonomy and abide by the law, but with the rebellious streak in Type Sixes and counterculture in Type Nines, it allows for a little excitement and risk in their relationship.

Loyalists tend to have a more active mind, leading them to be more skeptical of other people, whereas Peacemakers are sought out for being more trusting and unquestioning. With these differences however, they bring such a balance to the relationship where neither partner sees themselves as exempt or special. They boost each other's confidence with their solidarity to one another, and thrive in this environment of comfort.

quotation marks In a Type 6 and Type 9 relationship, they both want solid foundations for their lives, and they believe honest work should be rewarded.
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

However, it can be difficult for Peacemakers and Loyalists to tell each other what is truly on their minds. When they do not open up to one another about how they are feeling, they can become defensive, or silently stubborn making the other person guess what is going on. Type Nines and Type Sixes will put off confrontations until they are pushed to their limits because of their dislike for change. This couple can sometimes fulfill their social roles ‘too good’ and lose sight of who they are. Loyalists struggle with their constant guilt, and are always covering all of their bases to make sure no one can be mad or offended.


Type 7 and Type 9 Relationships

How compatible are Type 9s in a relationship with Type 7s?

A Type 7 and Type 9 relationship is most commonly seen due to their mixture of similar and opposite qualities. Both enneagram types bring positive outlook on life and are always searching for the positives in any situation.They do their best to avoid negative situations and conflict at all costs. There is no dwelling or looking in the past, and they do their best to maintain a forgive and forget mentality. Peacemakers and Enthusiasts are both very practical people, and are always finding the fun in mundane situations. It's usually the Type 7s creating stimulation and their Type 9 counterparts enjoying as the audience. Enthusiasts are more assertive and active than Peacemakers, constantly taking initiative and providing energy for the couple as whole.

Loyalists bring a sense of sparkle, fun and excitement to this relationship while Peacemakers bring steadiness, acceptance and support. Type 9s also tend to be more sympathetic and soft-hearted than their Type 7 counterparts. They are more in demand of who they are and are all around more relaxed. However, this allows for Loyalists to shine through with their mental quickness, confidence and love for new experiences. They help push their Type 9 partner to try new things.

A practical relationship?

Peacemakers and Enthusiasts are both very practical people, and are always finding the fun in mundane situations.

However, a downfall to this particular relationship, is that neither Peacemakers or Loyalists are very skilled at working through any negative or painful aspects of their relationship or life in general. They spend so much time always wanting a positive outlook that they do not know how to handle themselves when something negative comes along. In their minds, there is no possibility of being cut off from their happiness. If a Type 7 and Type 9 relationship is struggling, both partners become anxious, edgy and critical. They may be blind to sharing responsibility for how their relationship has deteriorated.


Type 8 and Type 9 Relationships

How compatible are Type 9s in a relationship with Type 8s?

If Type Eights raging storms of electrical energy, Type Nines are impassive and immovable mountains. Strength of force meets impenetrable fortitude. When Challengers and Peacemakers initially meet, Type Eights commonly take the impression that they are gaining a malleable supporter or protégé who only needs a little inspiration and guidance. Type Nines see Type Eights as confident leaders who will get things done. Challengers bring their “can do it” attitude into this relationship, and are full of self-confidence and vitality. Peacemakers admire these characteristics, and gravitate towards type 8s for these particular qualities. A key factor that makes a Type 8 and Type 9 relationship so successful is how a Challenger likes to be surrounded by people (Peacemakers) who are impressed by what they bring to the table. Type Nines also bring a sense of calmness type 8s find necessary to have for their wellbeing. Peacemakers bring a quiet sense of pride to their Type Eight counterparts, and are always encouraging their “can do it” attitude.

Type Eights seek out the safe harbor that a Type Nine provides for them in a relationship while they overcome obstacles and adversity. This allows for Type 8s to let their guards down and take a much needed deep breath. Type 9s teach their Type 8 counterparts which battles are worth fighting for, and which ones are best left alone. They show them they don't always have to push and operate so hard. Challengers bring Type 9s a new found confidence and self-assertion they struggle to find on their own. One of the greatest strengths of the Type 8 and Type 9 relationship is their ability to teach and learn from each other. This pairing is usually referred to as fire and water, a receptive and active force.

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Type 9s teach their Type 8 counterparts which battles are worth fighting for, and which ones are best left alone.

However, one of the largest struggles in a relationship between a Type 9 and a Type 8, is how when they start to deteriorate as people or as a relationship as a whole, their defenses go in opposite directions. Type 8s will push harder while Type 9s will simply shut down, and go on an emotional strike. This can lead to Type 8s reacting passive aggressively or berate and threaten their Type 9 counterpart.


Double Type 9 Relationships

How compatible are double Type 9 relationships?

A double Enneagram Type 9 relationship is an extremely easy-going, gentle and supportive partnership. They do their best to make the most of any situation with whatever they have, no matter how great or how small. When two Enneagram Type 9s are in a relationship, they are extremely patient with one another and will always give the other person the benefit of the doubt. They are quick to forgive each other, and provide a non-judgmental space to be themselves. A Peacemaker relationship is one that is curious and loves a good adventure, but nothing outrageous or over the top, fulfilling their need for regularity and predictability.

When in a double Enneagram Type 9 relationship, Type Nines are remarkably friendly and approachable, yet they are also extremely private of what goes on behind the scenes in their personal lives. They create a safe haven to protect themselves from the ups and downs of life, and do their best to take life in strides, at their own pace. Their relationships are famously known for their mellowness and sense of routine.

quotation marks When in a double Enneagram Type 9 relationship, Type Nines are remarkably friendly and approachable, yet they are also extremely private of what goes on behind the scenes in their personal lives.
Chloe Yarwood, MSc

However, the steadiness and regularity that poses as one of a Type 9s greatest strength, can also pose as their greatest weakness when in a relationship. This is because it plays into their fear of conflict, and disrupting the peace and harmony in the world. They are so bound to their desire for harmony, that it is exceedingly difficult for them to bring up important issues or struggles. Their unbreakable routines can lead to being extremely monotonous and can create a relationship where Peacemakers never truly express how they feel. They become subtly suppressive of one another, usually without realizing it has happened.


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Chloe Yarwood, MSc

University of Chichester, Advanced Applied Psychology

Chloe Yarwood, MSc in Advanced Applied Psychology from University of Chichester. Specialist in personality type theory and developing valid personality questionnaires.