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Which Personality Types Hold Grudges? The Psychology of Resentment
Exploring the MBTI types most likely to hold grudges and why personality traits play a role in letting go—or holding onChloe Yarwood
01 October 2024
Holding grudges is a complex emotional response that ties into deep-rooted personality traits, interpersonal dynamics, and how we process emotions. While everyone experiences anger or resentment, some people seem more inclined to hold on to past grievances than others. Understanding why some individuals struggle to forgive and forget while others move on quickly can be explained, in part, by personality frameworks like the 16 personality types.
What Personality Traits Are Linked to Holding Grudges?
Before diving into the specific MBTI types, it’s essential to understand the personality traits that contribute to grudge-holding. Several key characteristics increase the likelihood that someone will ruminate on a slight or betrayal, and these traits often influence how they process conflict and emotions.
- Introversion – Introverted individuals are more likely to internalize their feelings and overanalyze situations. Rather than immediately confronting someone when hurt, introverts may stew in their emotions, allowing resentments to grow over time.
- Judging (J) Over Perceiving (P) – Those with a preference for judging often have strong values, a need for closure, and a desire for things to be orderly and predictable. When something violates their sense of justice or fairness, they may struggle to let go because they need the situation to be “resolved” in a way that feels just to them.
- Feeling (F) Over Thinking (T) – While thinkers may intellectualize slights, feeling types are more likely to take things personally. They experience emotions more deeply and are more likely to harbor personal hurts, especially if their values are attacked.
- High Standards and Perfectionism – People who are perfectionistic or who hold themselves and others to high standards can be more prone to resentment. They may expect more from others and become easily disillusioned when people don’t live up to their ideals.
- Sensitivity to Injustice – Those who have a strong sense of right and wrong, especially those who perceive injustices on a personal level, may find it difficult to forgive when they feel wronged.
MBTI Types Most Likely to Hold Grudges
Now we've covered the individual traits, let's use those to identify those grudge-harboring MBTI types.
INFJ (The Advocate)
INFJs are introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging, which creates a personality deeply in tune with their own emotions and the emotions of others. They are idealists who often hold people to high moral standards. When someone violates their values or trust, it’s not just a surface-level issue—it feels like a deep personal betrayal.
Why INFJs hold grudges
INFJs are highly empathetic but also intensely private, meaning they may internalize hurts rather than express them openly. Because they place a high value on authenticity and integrity, they can feel deeply wounded when someone they care about acts in a way that contradicts those values. Their judging nature means they may struggle to forgive because they need to make sense of why someone behaved in a hurtful manner. If that reasoning doesn’t align with their internal values, they may hold on to the resentment.
INTJ (The Architect)
INTJs are introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging, making them strategic and future-focused individuals. While they may not seem like the most emotional type, INTJs are known to hold grudges—especially when someone crosses them in a way that undermines their goals or dismisses their intellectual abilities.
Why INTJs hold grudges
INTJs are long-term thinkers who remember when someone has disrespected them or tried to block their progress. Their introverted and judging traits mean they may replay a slight over and over in their minds, building up resentment if the situation remains unresolved. Unlike feeling types, INTJs are less likely to hold emotional grudges, but their grudges are often intellectual or strategic in nature—they don’t forget when someone has proven themselves to be untrustworthy or incompetent.
ISFJ (The Defender)
ISFJs are deeply caring, practical, and loyal, but they also have a strong sense of duty and responsibility. As introverted, sensing, feeling, and judging types, ISFJs hold others to the same high standards they hold themselves. If someone wrongs them or their loved ones, ISFJs may have a hard time letting go because it feels like a violation of their core values.
Why ISFJs hold grudges
ISFJs are often people-pleasers who go out of their way to help others, so when someone takes advantage of their kindness or loyalty, it feels like a profound betrayal. Their introverted nature means they may not confront the issue directly, instead holding onto the hurt and ruminating on it. Their judging preference also means they crave closure and resolution—when that doesn’t happen, resentment can build. ISFJs, however, are more likely to hold grudges for personal or emotional reasons rather than practical ones.
ISTJ (The Logistician)
ISTJs are highly practical, detail-oriented, and rule-abiding individuals. They value structure, reliability, and tradition, and they expect the same from others. As introverted, sensing, thinking, and judging types, ISTJs can be particularly unforgiving when someone disrupts their carefully organized world or violates a principle they hold dear.
Why ISTJs hold grudges
ISTJs have a strong internal code of conduct, and when someone fails to meet their standards—whether it’s breaking a promise or failing to follow through on a responsibility—it can be difficult for them to let go. Their need for order and predictability makes them particularly sensitive to situations where people fail to live up to expectations. Their introverted nature means they might internalize their grievances, holding onto them longer than they would if they were more open about addressing conflict.
ENTJ (The Commander)
ENTJs are natural-born leaders who value efficiency, competence, and progress. As extraverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging types, ENTJs are focused on achieving their goals and expect others to keep up. While they don’t dwell on emotional slights, they can hold grudges when someone’s actions interfere with their objectives or challenge their authority.
Why ENTJs hold grudges
ENTJs are less likely to hold emotional grudges, but they can harbor resentment if someone undermines their position, fails to meet expectations, or slows down their progress. Their judging nature means they prefer closure and decisive action, so if they feel a situation hasn’t been properly resolved or someone hasn't faced the consequences of their actions, they may continue to hold a grudge. ENTJs are strategic, and their grudges are often focused on maintaining control or enforcing consequences.
Personality Types Less Likely to Hold Grudges
While certain types are more prone to holding onto resentment, others are more likely to forgive and move on.
- ENFP and ESFP – These types tend to focus on the positive, future possibilities, and experiences rather than holding on to past grievances. They prefer to move forward and often don’t dwell on negative feelings.
- INFP and ENFJ – Although these types feel emotions deeply, they are also highly empathetic and idealistic, which often leads them to forgive others in the hope of maintaining harmony or achieving personal growth.
- ESTP and ISFP – These types are more focused on the present and are usually quick to forgive because they don’t want to be weighed down by negative emotions. They are more likely to live in the moment and let go of past grievances.
Why Do Some People Struggle to Let Go?
Ultimately, the reason why some people hold grudges longer than others boils down to how they process emotions, their personal values, and their need for closure. Grudge-holding is often a protective mechanism—a way to maintain control, prevent future harm, or ensure that justice is served.
- Internalization: Introverts are especially prone to internalizing their hurts rather than expressing them openly, which allows resentment to build. Instead of confronting the issue directly, they may dwell on the emotional pain, causing it to linger.
- Emotional Depth: Feeling types, particularly those with a strong sense of justice, experience emotions deeply and personally. When their values or emotions are wounded, forgiving can be a challenge, as the hurt is often perceived as a personal attack on their moral foundation.
- Need for Closure: Judging types often hold grudges because they crave resolution. When a situation feels unresolved or unjust, it’s difficult for them to move on. They need a clear sense of closure, and if they don’t get it, the unresolved issue can lead to long-standing resentment.
Ultimately, while anyone is capable of holding a grudge under the right circumstances, certain personality types are more predisposed to holding onto past hurts. Introverted, judging, and feeling types, in particular, are more likely to internalize their emotions, allowing resentment to fester. Whether it’s a deep personal betrayal or a perceived injustice, these individuals may struggle to forgive because the slight disrupts their inner world. Recognizing these traits in ourselves and others can help foster empathy, improve communication, and, ultimately, teach us how to forgive and let go.